Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Tuesday, 1-18-11

Tuesday, 1-18-11

Tomorrow we have to bring in three things for explorations: a piece of food that our animal might eat (it only needs to approximate; it doesn’t need to literally be raw meat or krill or plankton), an object that our animal might use or play with, and more costume pieces. For the food, I think I’m going to bring in a bowl of cereal with milk and then try to eat it through a straw, approximating how the flamingo filters food in through its beak. The object, though, I’m unsure of. I could do something relating to their nesting (they make nests by piling dirt, but use them only for egg-laying so far as I know) but I don’t want to bring a bunch of dirt into the building. I think I’ll just bring in a scarf or other piece of clothing that I can manipulate with my feet to try and pile into a nest. We’ll see how that works.

As for my costume piece, I was in a panic because I didn't really have time to go out to a store this afternoon on top of my other homework. But I ended up being pretty resourceful and made a tail out of cardboard boxes, staples, a little duct tape, and a wire coat-hanger.

The wire hanger goes around my waist and then when I lean my torso forward the tail sticks out. I'm pretty proud of myself! At this point the major concern is simply to make myself aware of having a tail, not necessarily recreating the exact look of a flamingo's tail feathers. Having something there will force me to pay attention to the space I take up.

When I get a chance to go to Goodwill this weekend I'll look for pink shirts and pale pants and things to make wings out of.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Monday, 1-17-11

Monday, 1-17-11

Yesterday at 8:50 AM I boarded a bus with fellow CMU freshmen (including Kyle Wilson and Sam French) heading to the Pittsburgh Zoo. We stayed for about three hours; each of us hoped to finalize our decisions for Animal Projects while there, despite the rather daunting fact that many animals used to warmer climates had been shipped away for the winter so that they wouldn’t die.

The zoo didn’t seem to have any marmosets, but there were sparrows all over the place. So after I’d wandered around observing other animals I thought I would try being a sparrow. A sparrow! A small, scared little bird. Perfect.

Today in class however, I found that being a sparrow was going to be quite nearly impossible. The physical requirement of my body to take the rough shape of a sparrow were so demanding that it was difficult to have any sense of ease, let alone for an extended period of time. Since this project is, in essence, all about finding ease in an unfamiliar physicality, it became very quickly apparent that I needed to look elsewhere. Even though we started with just half an hour of basic animal exploration today, it was numbingly painful and exhausting to move with my legs crunched into my chest, approximating the sparrow’s anatomy; and since they almost always have their wings tucked into their sides when not in flight, my whole upper body was constricted. The only aspect of my observation that I was able to carry into my explorations today with any accuracy or comfort was the sharp adjustments of the head, and even those could get painful over a long period of time. Matt and I agreed that the sparrow was not an optimal choice. But as Matt says, “the most important thing about making a choice is being able to put two bullets in the back of its head and kick it into the river if you need to.” So enjoy the river-bed, sparrow.


(Yeah, I can't do that.)

Where to look next? Matt suggested that I might consider the flamingo. Though it isn’t really tiny, it’s still a petite and dainty creature, and what it lacks in speed it makes up for in its vulnerable but nevertheless graceful persona. The flamingo can also move quite quickly and sharply at times, such as when washing itself. The flamingo's method of feeding is also quite unique, and would be a challenge to imitate…but hopefully not the same kind of challenge that the sparrow posed. Physically, taking on the shape of a flamingo seems less exhausting and therefore less daunting (though I certainly will not be undergoing surgery to make my knees bend backwards) than compressing my body into the feather-ball that is the American Tree Sparrow.


(This is basically how I eat my cereal already.)

Since we must be as specific as possible while still working within the bounds of our physiology, the main challenges I'll face are 1) the backwards bending knees, 2) the long, flexible neck, and 3) the proportional discrepancy between the large fluffy body and the long, linear, and thin legs. Probably, I'll have to do the best I can with my forward bending knees, focusing instead on the deliberate placement of the feet, and the way the flamingo must lift their foot vertically out of the water (which in turn is influenced by the depth of the water) before moving it forward.


(Note how their feet are curled to give them a minimum of water resistance on the rise out of the water before splaying out to be placed ahead.)

The long flexible neck is another one that's going to be hard to approximate with my own anatomy, but I'll work on my flexibility and will try simply bending at the waist--essentially converting some of my torso to serve as the flamingo's extended neck. If that ends up working, straightening up completely should approximate the flamingo extending its neck upwards, while bending over completely will approximate bending the neck downward to feed. As for the discrepancy between the flamingo's body and its legs, costuming will be of great help. I'll try to find or create a piece that will give my upper body more volume, and that will particularly extend my rump and give me tail-feathers.


(I don't know how I'll do that thing where they tuck their head into their chest though.)

Compared to these challenges, I expect the wings should be fairly straightforward, so long as no one asks me to fly off the roof of Purnell.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Friday, 1-14-11

Friday, 1-14-11

Today’s class was interesting. We began by performing our stranger monologues, half of us going at once with the other half of the class walking around the room observing along with Matt. I had interviewed a young man about his employment, and I took on a softer, more breathy vocal quality along with a physicality where I particularly emphasized the hands and the movement of the head. What was particularly intriguing about the performance was that I realized something about the character, about the person I was portraying, that I hadn’t even thought of while I was jotting down notes on what he said and how he moved during the interview (I had told him I was taking a survey for my “Occupational Psychology” class. No idea if that’s a real thing). Chris Douglass put it best: “I could tell that you were uncomfortable about talking to people about it, but that you were really passionate about it.” It wasn’t until I had adopted his physicality and tone that this became clear to me, illustrating the fact that technical choices can lead to emotional discoveries, which is in turn stronger and more reliable than relying on emotion to carry a scene.

Additionally, it was very telling to see what the other half of the class had done with their performances. Some focused almost entirely vocally, or had a distinctive facial expression, or a single repetitive behavior that they kept up consistently. I would posit that this might serve as an anchor for the character, holding it down when the performer was unsure of other choices in a particular moment. And this worked quite well. Taylor Rose fidgeted with her wallet the whole time, as well as using the slouch and the dull vocalization. Ashley’s leg bounced. I’d say for me, it was probably the vocalization. From there I added in particular hand movements and thinking positions like casting the eyes up and to the left and right of my audience when coming up with an answer.

For the rest of class we talked Animal Projects. For Animal Projects we each need to choose an animal that differs from us enough to challenge us in personality and physicality, and then study it carefully and effectively become it in class. The project culminates with The Watering Hole, where all our animals will meet together and interact and eat; and then finally with a Formal Dance, where we create human characters out of our animal characters—that is, humans that have the same personal/physical qualities of the chosen animal—and interact as them.

I had originally been thinking a meerkat or rabbit, because I was looking for something small, quick, and nervous or submissive. Good instincts, but as Matt pointed out a meerkat already fits my basic body shape, and a rabbit is too focused—they tend to stay in one place without moving for a while. So the first isn’t really challenging enough physically and personality wise I should be looking for something more ADD as well. Matt suggested a marmoset, or a small bird, like a sparrow. So I’ll be looking at those when I go to the zoo on Sunday to observe. I need to find something that takes up little physical space, has a short attention span, an erratic quality movement, and that is both submissive and active.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Wednesday, 1-12-11

Wednesday, 1-12-11

Today in class we began by performing our walks and having the class guess who we’d been assigned. On Monday, we were randomly given names of other students across the three Acting classes and had to observe the way they walked in order to replicate it in front of everyone today. I faced some difficulty in approaching the task because the person I was assigned isn’t in any of my other classes and as she is a Dramaturgy major I didn’t even know where she spent her days really. I got very brief glimpses of her on Monday and again this morning in the half-hour break between Yoga and Acting, and had to base my walk off of that. I wish I’d had more time to observe, because I found that wherever I couldn’t collect specific information, I had to fill in with assumption, or generalities. And as Matt Gray quotes: “Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups,” (Under Siege 2). I made note of her posture and the swing of her arms, and the general length of her stride, but after that I was forced to fill in the blanks myself. Without wanting to assume (see above), I instead tried to use more imaginative or visualization-based tools to inform my actions, e.g. placing my center high in my body, living in an upper space and traveling with a grace and fluidity that I have always thought to be distinct in her. I hoped this would essentially do the job of assumption without actually resulting in gross misrepresentations, but I’m not altogether sure of how well it worked. When Daniel guessed correctly, it was largely because of the way I was sitting cross-legged before getting up to walk. The purpose of the assignment was to make us more aware of the many disparate strides at our disposal as actors, and in that it was certainly effective.

I was a little surprised when I myself didn’t recognize the person who was imitating my walk, though others seemed to immediately get it. Michael McGuire got the loping stride that is so characteristic of my walk, but he turned his feet out much more than I do (I kept noticing the rest of the day). Part of it may be that in order to clearly represent our assigned person to the class, we exaggerated certain aspects of the walk to be as specific as we could. It’s amazing, though, how unaware I can be of my own gait.

Speaking of gaits (I guess I haven’t spoken of anything else yet), after we split up into our three separate classes, we warmed up by crossing the floor in four different quadrupedal animal strides: the lateral, wherein the right arm and right leg move together, followed by the left arm and left leg; the contralateral, wherein the right arm and left leg move together, and so on; crab, wherein movement is contralateral but to the side instead of foreward; and the marsupial, where the arms and upper body are flung forward with a leap of the legs to catch up on the second beat. The marsupial was the most natural for most of us, and the crab the most foreign, and Matt noted that for our upcoming Animal Projects, we need to approach whatever movement style our animal uses with the same attitude and sense of ease as we found with the marsupial. Even if we choose a crab, we must practice that movement with a sense of freedom and naturalism that we lacked in the warm-up exercise. A fancy way of saying that if something habitual like moving seems forced instead of easy, the character (or animal) will not come across well. It will instead cause the entire performance to be stilted.

After the animal warm-up, we spent the rest of class experimenting with creating characters out of altering our walk. The main thing we had to pay attention to was avoiding making decisions about the character too early, e.g. “I’m going to be nervous,” or “he’s a badass.” Instead, we made decisions about where we placed our weight in our feet, whether on the outsides of our feet, the insides, the heel, or the balls of the feet, or any mixture of those four between the two feet. From there we let the simple weight distribution in our feet grow into a fuller physicality, starting with experimentation in the length of our stride, the rise of our knees, the sway of our hips, the placement of our center, the swing of our arms, the tension in all of our body, and finally allowing our feet to inform a facial expression and a character, and interacting non-verbally with each other in these assumed characters. By not making big character decisions early on, we surprised ourselves with the smaller choices we made along the way. By choosing a mismatched weight distribution in the first round, I came to inhabit a lopsided but charming sort of ruffian, and by walking on the balls of my feet in the second round, I took on the persona of a slightly pompous but timid sort of statesperson. The second part of the exercise was to interact physically with our environment and fellow performers, allowing reactions to happen organically based on our characters’ senses rather than a preconceived emotion. As Matt says, emotion is unpredictable, but the senses are reliable and can be relied upon to read realistically to the audience whereas playing pure emotion is usually sloppy and unconvincing. If emotions arise through attention to our characters’ senses—that is, the visual, the auditory, the tactile, the physical environment and so on—then they will be clearly identifiable as arising through a natural psychology of the senses rather than by the determination of the actor to be sad or be angry. For myself, it was fun to see how relationships with other performers developed without thinking about them, simply reacting based on the physicality of the character, his sensory awareness, and whatever I endowed the other characters with—whether it was a particularly unpleasant smell or a particularly attractive one, a general distrust or an affection.

Matt asked us to take a look at the soles of our shoes to see where they are most worn, and thus where we distribute our weight as we walk. My converse have the most wear on the front part of the heel and on the front of the toe, suggesting that I don’t fall particularly hard on the back of my heel at the beginning of each step but do place a lot of weight on the foot through the middle of the stride and as it leaves the ground on the toe. My brown shoes on the other hand have all of their wear towards the extreme front and back, suggesting I have fallen hard on their heels at the beginning of my steps. I expect this discrepancy is probably due to the fact that the converse have less comfortable support in the heel, and so I’ve grown to step more gingerly on the heel while wearing them. No such restrain with the brown shoes. My set of nice dress shoes have the same wear pattern except that they have almost no wear towards the front of the shoe, probably because I pick my feet up more lightly while wearing them to avoid scuffing. All pairs of shoes have even wear along the sides, suggesting that, as I thought, I have a fairly even distribution of weight across the width of my feet and don’t have an extreme out-turning or in-turning of my feet. It’s interesting to see such dramatic differences between sets of shoes. No wonder actors sometimes begin character development by finding new shoes.

My assignment for Friday is to find a stranger off-campus and talk to them for a few minutes, asking them questions or something, and then take on their physicality and personality and perform their responses as a monologue, in character. As them, that is.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Monday, 1-10-11

Monday, 1-10-11

NB: This blog will to a great extent be a transcription of my Acting Journal for my Acting I class this semester.

Today was my first day of Acting I for the new semester, with Matt Gray teaching my class. We began the day by playing Name-Tag, Matt Gray style of course, which was an interesting experience. Matt noted during play that the basic human tendencies during a high-stress exercise are A) to run, and B) to execute all the rules at once, regardless of relevance, in hopes that one of them will be right. I found I was guilty of both these tendencies on several occasions, often throwing my right arm into the air even when I was not it, running, and shouting someone’s name simultaneously. It took considerable effort on my part to try and keep my feet from running, and then to concentrate on using the rules appropriately instead of all at once. Shortly after that, I was out. But the acting metaphor of the exercise was made apparent. As actors, we can’t run away, and we have to maintain the presence of mind to use the rules and tools of our trade effectively, appropriately, and responsibly. To simply emote is shoddy acting. To simply feel without allowing the audience to have their own experience is amateurish. We can’t retreat from the audience, from our scene-partners, or from the challenges of a particular character or interaction. We must accept defeat along with success, and allow our characters to lose—deeply and completely. I’d like to pretend that these thoughts are mine, but they are mostly just my agreement with Matt’s own explanation Name-Tag.

It was interesting to me that I was one of a very few people who said that what they hated was a behavior commonly found in people. What I said was essentially, “I hate people who refuse to acknowledge the possibility that I might be able to improve myself.” I’m a very driven individual, and a firm believer that very few things are truly out of my grasp if I work for them. There are lot of other things I hate, of course, but this was what came to mind. I have, for as long as I can remember, been told either explicitly or implicitly that I cannot dance, cannot sing, cannot pay attention, cannot throw a punch, and so on. I am working on most of these things. I am getting better. I have not yet been told in so many words that I cannot act, but the atmosphere here is competitive enough that I’ll be doing my best to improve my skill as an actor anyway. I’ll have to.

In class, we also talked about what we needed to work on this semester. Several of my instructors said they wanted to see me “get messy,” which I interpret to mean that I should attempt to eschew the part of me that wants everything to be contained and orderly, to find passion in my work, and to allow that to surprise myself in my preparation. I say in my preparation only because I know that it is not a good idea to try and rely on pure “passion” and “inspiration” to carry you through a performance. All good performance comes from preparation, and it is in the rehearsal stages that experimentation should flourish. Matt told me that there was a huge difference in my work when I warmed up before my Free Scene by shadowboxing and doing push-ups, so I’ll be working on incorporating more physicalized warm-ups and exercises into my rehearsals this year.

I found Matt’s comments on Black Swan today particularly revelatory. He drew a comparison between Black Swan and True Grit, noting that the female protagonists in each movie are vastly different in what their characters say about the power of women. Natalie Portman, who I believe to be a very good actress, plays weakness very well throughout Black Swan, and is altogether dominated and driven mad by the predominantly male or maternal forces in her life. True Grit on the other hand, though I have not yet seen it, presents a very young female character who despite her age accepts nothing less than the greatest of respect from all the men she encounters in the movie. She is strong-willed and effective. Black Swan, while a beautifully shot movie and an interesting story idea, can be said to contribute a negative image of female power.

While my problems with Black Swan almost entirely had to do with the presentation of the story—I thought that the movie missed its opportunity to be a truly heart-breaking tragedy by missing the element of hope and warmth in the earlier half of the movie and thus settled on being a campy psychological thriller—what Matt was saying was that both Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis have the clout as actresses to make adjustments if they feel that the message of a particular project is negative, and that in this respect they both acted irresponsibly as performers by participating in a movie that is arguably so misogynistic.

As an actor, I need to begin to formulate an understanding of what I want to say to the world now, so that when I enter the profession I am ready to use the tools of my craft to contribute positive and enlightening knowledge to contemporary culture. All actors should have beliefs and philosophies of their own that they can bring to their work. If they aren’t there, then there work may end up lacking conviction. It seems to me that Natalie Portman may have become trapped playing the idea of weakness, without taking into account the more global ramifications of a female protagonist who is so utterly defeated by the outside forces in her life, without so much as a glimpse of a better path. In some ways, this does get back to my criticism of the movie. If they were making a tragedy, it would have been clear what faults of Portman’s character led to her downfall, and thus the movie would argue against weakness and for an idealized strength of character. Weakness, psychosis, and perfection-crazed delirium would then become the protagonist’s tragic flaws. As it is, it’s not clear to me what the movie was trying to say, if anything. That obsession leads to destruction? Perhaps. The movie isn’t specific or clear enough in revealing its intentions.

A performance I really admire is that of Colin Firth in The King’s Speech. Firth played the stuttering King George VI, but as Firth said in an interview, it wasn’t about playing the stutter, it was about trying desperately not to stutter, and failing. The key difference was that the whole movie is an epic struggle against a whole network of self-consciousness and self-doubts stemming from his speech impediment, and the uplifting end of the movie is made incredibly impactful because of that constant struggle. I left the theater feeling not only inspired, but convinced of the power of people to lead each other in times of violence and horror, to uplift and raise morale in their fellows, and to overcome personal obstacles in the interest of something greater than oneself. These are things worth saying, and the movie couldn’t have done it without Firth’s performance which so clearly showed that he understood these things were at stake. It should be noted that the entire cast was amazing, but Firth particularly impressed me in carrying the role and the movie’s themes.